February 18, 2017.......Divorce: When is it right?

Having been through a divorce after 18 years of marriage, I struggled with the fact that my family fell apart, that I hadn’t lived up to what was expected of me by the family oriented church I belong to.  Even though at times it was hard to raise my children in the gospel alone, I knew it was the one consistent thing that my children and I could depend on when all other securities had been ripped out from underneath us. 

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said, “There are many good Church members who have been divorced. I speak first to them. We know that many of you are innocent victims—members whose former spouses persistently betrayed sacred covenants or abandoned or refused to perform marriage responsibilities for an extended period. Members who have experienced such abuse have firsthand knowledge of circumstances worse than divorce.”  

President James E. Faust said, “In my opinion, any promise between a man and a woman incident to a marriage ceremony rises to the dignity of a covenant.  Over a lifetime of dealing with human problems, I have struggled to understand what might be considered “just cause” for breaking of covenants.  I confess I do not claim the wisdom nor authority to definitely state what is “just cause.”  Only the parties to the marriage can determine this.  They must bear the responsibility for the train of consequences which inevitably follow if these covenants are not honored.  In my opinion, “just cause” should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being.”

When I read both of these quotes, I felt so much better about myself and my decision to divorce when I did.  I agree with President Faust in that there were a train of consequences that followed, but I don’t see the struggles of my divorce as consequences, I see them as a train of hurdles I had to overcome on my way to finding peace and happiness.  Especially after being in a mentally abusive and draining relationship.  

God knows what is in our hearts.  He knows the pain we endure, and he knows when we have done all we can to work it out.  Bottom line, God wants us to be happy.